<![CDATA[Lucid9 - Side Stories]]>Sat, 30 Jul 2022 21:21:07 -0500Weebly<![CDATA[Isamu's Greatest Criminals]]>Thu, 16 Apr 2020 20:59:50 GMThttps://lucid9.weebly.com/side-stories/isamus-greatest-criminals[BLACK]

…

Yahiko: You ready, dude?

It's utterly dark, but somehow, I can sense Yahiko blinking expectantly at me. 
How did I get myself roped into this?

Yama: Yeah, I guess.
Yahiko: Okay, let’s go!
Yama: Wait, wait, wait. You want me to go with you?
Yahiko: You’re my pupil! I gotta show you the ropes.
Yama: I never said I was going inside the bank! I thought I was just the getaway driver!

[FADE TO WHITE]

He ignores me and hops out of the car, flooding the trunk with blinding light.

Yahiko: Come on! We got a bank to rob!

This guy...

Yama: Why don't you scream it out loud to make sure everyone heard?
Yahiko: Oh, great idea. WE GOT A— 

I toss the nearest object at him, which happens to one of our masks. He catches it with ease, shooting me an unusually sophisticated grin.

Yahiko: You think I would actually give away our masterful plan?

I clamber out of the car as he starts bounding towards the bank... without putting on the mask.

Yama: Yahiko!
Yahiko: What's up, young grasshopper?
Yama: ...Your mask.
Yahiko: Oh, right.

But he tosses the mask into the street, instead pulling out… a mustache?

Yama: That’s not a mask.
Yahiko: Why would I want to wear a mask? No one would be able to see my face.

That’s the point…

Yahiko: Besides, I look good with a mustache.
Yama: I’m sure the other inmates will agree when you’re in jail.

He completely ignores me and marches into the building, holding his pistol high in the air... which, somehow, doesn't attract any attention whatsoever.

[FADE TO BLACK] 

I can only sigh as I pull my mask over my face and follow him in.

[FLASH WHITE TO:]

[THIS IS A STICKUP CG]
​
#MUSIC: MARVELOUS MASA

[SFX door crash] Yahiko breaks through the front door with dramatic flair, despite the door being fully automatic, and waves his pistol threateningly.

Yahiko: EVERYONE ON THE GROUND! THIS IS A STICKUP!
???: Where’s the stick?

A young woman suddenly steps from behind the counter. Judging by her uniform, she must be one of the employees. The nametag on her shirt reads “Rui Hayata.”
She crosses her arms, as if two armed bank robbers are nothing more than a simple annoyance interrupting her workflow.

Yahiko: (egotistical) Ah, my good lady! Cough up all the dough!
Rui: (smirk) This isn't a bakery, you know.

Rui’s eyes lock on me. Her face scrunches into a frown. Despite the situation, I can’t help but find it a little... cute?

Rui: (surprised) You seriously don’t expect to rob a bank with water guns, do you?
Yahiko: (shocked > egotistical) Water guns?! No, no, my good lady, these are bona fide, dangerous firearms we have!
Rui: (exasperated) ...Are they, now?
Rui: (disapproval) Oh, no. Whatever shall we do?
Yahiko: You should give us all your money! 
Rui: (exasperated) Yeah, sure, why not? Come over to the desk.

...Wait. Is it really that easy? It can't be that easy. This woman has something up her sleeve.
I open my mouth to warn Yahiko, but my tongue is frozen to the roof of my mouth. I'm unable to speak; I can only watch the scene proceed before me.
Yahiko obediently plods to the desk, but Rui holds out her hand.

Rui: (smirk) Sorry, sir. We don't allow facial hair at our desks.
Yahiko: (shocked) What?! But my beautiful mustache...
Rui: (disapproval) You want your money?
Yahiko: (egotistical) Well, alright.

He reluctantly removes his mustache. Idiot. So much for a disguise.
Rui slips a piece of paper across the counter.

Rui: Right. You can have all the money you'd like; just fill out this form and you're good to go!
Yahiko: (shocked) Wow! Really?!
Yahiko: (egotistical) Dude, robbing a bank is so easy. We should do it all the time!

I try to voice my concerns, but I still can't move. Or talk.

Yahiko: (confused) Let's see. Name, address, contact info, social security number... Okay, is that it?

...How did this guy ever become a contracted bank robber?

Rui: Yup! Perfect.

She yanks open a huge vault of cash, throws it into a giant sack, and throws it on top of Yahiko.

Yahiko: (shocked) Gyack!
Rui: Thank you for robbing at Isamu Imperial Boarding Bank! Come again!
Yahiko: (egotistical) Oh, we will! See, newbie? That wasn't so bad, was it?

Yes. Yes, it was.
I can hear the sirens already. Sirens that sound oddly like... text message alerts?

#MUSIC FADE OUT

[FADE TO WHITE]

[MYRIAD APARTMENTS, #208D. 8:28 AM.]

[SFX text tone] I'm suddenly propelled into reality: lying in my comfy bed with my phone ringing obnoxiously next to me.

​END
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